


Healing in a Graveyard

by KnightOwl725



Series: Healing in a Graveyard AU [1]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Cults, Fjorclay Week 2020, Gay Yearing, Healing, M/M, Modern Era, OR IS IT, One-Sided Attraction, Pining, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Teahaw Y'all, fjorclay, prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2020-04-30
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:14:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 18,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23828932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KnightOwl725/pseuds/KnightOwl725
Summary: Modern auAll of Fjord’s friends in the Mighty Nein live in the Xhorhas, a student-friendly house only a short walk from campus. The prices were fair, furniture was included, there was laundry on site, and sometimes the owner made everyone food.You just had to be okay with living in a graveyard.But Fjord doesn’t have a choice when Beau drags him to stay at the Xhorhas with her “for a few days”. The Mighty Nein is worried about his involvement with Avantika and her group known as “The Champions”. Ever since he fell in with that group, things have only gotten worse for Fjord.After enough pressure, he agrees to take a few days away from The Champions. He doesn’t expect to appreciate the quiet beauty of the Blooming Grove, or to find peace in its patron goddess. And he certainly doesn’t expect to feel so connected to the tall, pink-tinged firblog of a landlord.
Relationships: Caduceus Clay & Fjord, Caduceus Clay/Fjord
Series: Healing in a Graveyard AU [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1740379
Comments: 32
Kudos: 242





	1. Just For A Few Days

Fjord had never expected to agree when Beau and Jester first dragged him to see the place. The Blooming Grove.

“It’s a big house near campus,” Jester told him. “They’re very friendly to students, and the prices are very reasonable. Molly said there were lots of empty rooms they want to rent out.”

“Yeah, but it’s in a graveyard,” Fjord reminded her. She ignored him.

"We'll all have rooms near each other and share meals and hang out.”

"If our rooms are next to each other, we can learn morse code and tap messages!" Beau exclaimed, and that one got to him. So he went along to take a look at the place. Yasha and Molly were already living there, and it was Molly that showed them around in the absent landlord’s stead.

Fjord said no at first. He was with Avantika and her crew. He'd gotten in with Avantika early on, when it all first became overwhelming. Classes and a part time job, topped with the social pressures of a smaller school, it was all too much. Avantika had found him then, drawn him in and all but fed him to that…

If he was honest he'd just call it a cult. Like Jester's Traveler but instead of lighthearted mischief it was promising your eternal devotion and doing some mildly illegal shit. They found him at his lowest and made him feel wanted, welcome. Like he was family.

An entire year and some had gone by. And Fjord was getting thinner, more tired, more drawn out every day.

Beau burst into his room one day after class. He was living in a house with the rest of Avantika’s group, The Champions, in a room he shared with three other people. It was a cramped house, and it ate up all the money he made at his part-time job. But that was the price you paid to be family. A Champion.

No one else was home right now, off under Avantika’s guidance to do something in their snake god’s honor. Fjord still felt shivers every time they said its name. 

A rap on his window jolted him upright, books strewn around him on the bed. He went to the window to find Beau crouched outside it, perched on a part of the roof that met the house under his window.

He unlocked the window and flung it open. “Beau! What are you--”

She slid into the room past him. “Intervention!”

“Inter--”

“The semester is nearly over,” she said, starting to wander around the room, piling up his books and school supplies. “There’s only a few weeks left, tons of tests and shit. You said yourself that these...freaks or whatever...are distracting you, and you’re this close to losing your scholarship.”

“Yeah, bu--”

“They take all your money, force you to work with them, act super controlling all the time, and now you can’t even study.”

“They let me miss out today to stud--”

Beau found his duffel bag and began shoving books into it. “You’re staying with me for a few days. Just a few days! Swear. You need to get out of this creepy house--”

“And into the graveyard?’

She gave him a pointed look. “Isn’t it saying something that the graveyard isn’t half as creepy?”

He rolled his eyes, and she went on, “You’re getting a break, dude. You need it. Everyone agrees. We’re intervening and forcing it.”

“Beau--”

“Just a few days,” she insisted, a little softer. “Hang out with your friends, focus on school, then you’ll be back in this shithole selling your soul to whatever like you always dreamed.”

She shoved the open bag, stuffed with books, into his arms like it weighed nothing. He nearly buckled at the sudden weight. “Pack up your laptop and some clothes and shit.”

Fjord tried to argue further, but she was right. He was exhausted. And loud as their friend group was, they knew how to respect someone trying to keep a scholarship. They wouldn’t follow him to the library to drag him to a ‘mandatory meeting’ no one told him about, or burst into class in the middle of a test because he had a ‘personal emergency’ that was just another meeting. Or remind him at least twice a week that he could always drop out and just work full time with them.

With a deep, tired sigh, Fjord relented.

~~~~

It had been raining, a hot summer rain. Sticky and gross.

"C’mon!" Beau ordered, literally dragging him by the arm through the graveyard with her insane strength. "Just stay for, like, three days. Get your head on right."

"There's no way your landlord will let me stay."

"You haven't met the guy," she said with a strange expression. Like bewilderment met respect. It was always the look his friends who lived there wore when talking about their landlord and neighbor. "His family has owned this place since like forever. He acts like a major stoner though I rarely see him smoke, and all he wants is tenants that keep the place lively but not destroyed. And to feed us sometimes. But it's dope vegan shit."

"Sounds like the weirdest hippie ever."

"Oh, he is," she assured him.

And Fjord gave in and followed her up the last steps up to the building they called the “Xhorhas”. 

The building itself was old, but sturdy. A stone and brick structure that had stood longer than some of the Grove’s vibrant trees. It was almost mid-Spring then, and the garden-graveyard was bursting with color and flowers and bugs.

“Don’t be a baby,” Beau snapped when he jolted away from a fat little bumblebee. 

“There aren’t bugs in the house, are there?” he asked.

She rolled her eyes, which he hoped to mean ‘of course not’.

The front porch was a wooden structure, painted white then further painted in mis-matched designs and colors. Various plants covered the railings and hung from the room, and there was a little table, a white wooden bench - also painted - and a single, oversized rocking chair. 

“We painted those,” Beau said. “Caduceus had to tear down the old porch and rebuild, and Jester convinced him to let us paint all over it. Check this out!”

She led him to the bench and dragged him down to sit, then to look under it upside-down. There, painted neatly and lovingly under the bench’s seat, was a series of stylized dicks.

Fjord sighed as Beau cackled. Normally it might get a chuckle out of him, but he was too tired to be amused these days.

“Oh, c’mon you old man,” she said, leading him to the actual door. She pulled it open without a key.

“Is it always unlocked? Won’t people try to break in?”

“To a graveyard house?” she asked. “Honestly I’d like to see them try. You haven’t even seen--”

“Ah, Beauregard?” called a low, gentle voice from inside. “Welcome home.”

“Hey Caduceus,” she replied, wiping her feet on the entry mat - covered in a floral design - before stepping further inside. Fjord mimicked her movements.

The front entryway was probably larger than it seemed, with tall ceilings and a rectangular frame. But it was over-crowded with things. Plants everywhere, hanging and on window sills and standing at the edges of the room. There were plush rugs over stone flooring in muted, worn colors more likely due to age and use than style. There was, to the right, a door leading into another room with a curtain hanging down and a collection of plush, mis-matched chairs around a table. Slightly off center to the left were the stairs up to the actual rooms. To the left, a little shelf crammed full of books, endless plants, and was that a shrine?

“Oh, you brought a guest?”

Beau had stepped towards the left, where a tall figure was peering into hanging plants with a watering can dwarfed by his height.

“Yeah, Caduceus, this is Fjord. The friend we’ve mentioned. Fjord, this our landlord, Caduceus.”

Caduceus looked over and smiled, eyes a little droopy in that calm, might-be-a-stoner-but-might-also-just-look-that-way kinda way. He was a firbolg, a rare breed in this area these days, coated in a layer of gray fur, but with pink eyes, hair, and a neatly trimmed pink beard. He wore plain, loose clothing underneath a vibrantly teal, thin coat that stretched nearly to the floor, covered in pink branches and flowers and beetles. Through one ear looped a thick wooden spiral for an earring.

Caduceus made a face. “I don’t like that word, ‘landlord’. I prefer just being another neighbor. Hullo Mister Fjord.”

“Hello. It’s nice to meet you.” Fjord gave an awkward little nod towards the tall man.

“Right, well I wanted to ask if it’s cool if Fjord crashes here for a few days,” Beau said with no warning nor ceremony. Fjord twitched in discomfort. “Maybe a week.”

“I don’t want to impose,” Fjord insisted. “I do have a room--”

“Yeah, in a cultist house with your shitty whatever she is,” Beau snapped.

“Ah, Fjord,” Caduceus said, as if he was suddenly putting the pieces together. “It wouldn’t be any trouble at all.”

“I don’t have any money. I couldn’t pay.”

The firbolg smiled at him. “I didn’t ask for money. You’re a friend of everyone here, and they are my friends. Which, by extension, makes you a friend of mine as well. I wouldn’t turn away a friend who needs a little time away from things.”

Beau gave him a pointed look as if to say, “told you so!”

To Beau, Caduceus said, almost dreamily, “We still have that vacant room.”

“Molly’s old room,” Beau reminded Fjord. Molly, their wild and fabulous tiefling friend, had decided to transfer schools last semester. While it broke the heart of their friend group, he still visited, video chatted, and sent perfumed letters often.

“It’s not much, but there’s a bed and a dresser still. Good enough for a week or so.”

“I couldn’t accept such a generous offer,” Fjord told him. 

“Fjord!” Beau exclaimed. “Let people help you!”

“It’s an entire room, something everyone else is paying for!”

“For like a week, Fjord! And it’s not like people are breaking down the door to live here!”

Fjord glanced at Caduceus, but the man looked unaffected by the comment. Either he was completely vacant, or he was very much in touch with the reality of his home.

“If it’s so important to you,” Caduceus drawled. “I could use some help around the house and the Grove for a few days. I’ve got some projects that have piled up. We could consider that your rent for the week?”

Beau stared holes into Fjord, hands splayed and extended as if to say, “come on!”

“That’s very kind of you, Caduceus,” Fjord said. “I...I suppose it would be a nice break.”

“Finally!” Beau exclaimed. She leapt over to the stairs, thudding up them and shouting, “Jes! We got Fjord for a week!”

“A week!” came a shout from Jester’s familiar voice.

Fjord sighed. Caduceus looked up the stairs smiling. “Such a lively bunch.”

Turning back to Fjord he said, “Let me get you your key.”

~~

Caduceus had been right, the room wasn’t especially noteworthy. But it was clean, with a nice window that overlooked the Grove, including the largest tree there, and simple, sturdy furniture. 

He didn’t have much to his name with him. Avantika and The Champions had taken it poorly when he texted the group chat that he was staying with a friend for the week, but they hadn’t completely flipped out. Still, he wasn’t going to risk going back to that house until he was going back for good. When Beau had grabbed him, they’d focused on taking the things he needed for school so as not to draw attention, and only the bare minimum in anything else.

He had $20 to his name for food for the week, maybe longer. He had two day’s worth of clothes, so he’d be doing laundry every day. Maybe it’d be a good excuse to convince Caleb to let him clean his clothes as well. He somehow always got them covered in dirt and mystery stains. Chem majors.

Caduceus had left him with fresh sheets and linens, as well as a small potted plant. He rattled off instructions and odd musings, then promised it would survive almost anything as long as he watered it every few days and didn’t put it in direct sunlight.

Fjord sat on the edge of the bed, patchwork blankets neatly folded beside him, his duffle bag sitting by the door, and took a breath. There was a large mirror on top of the dresser that looked directly at him. He looked, well. He looked like shit.

His beard, never the full, lush thing he would have preferred, had grown in patchy and speckled with gray. That tiny sliver of gray he’d found at eighteen had expanded into a full-blown chunk at the front of his scalp. His hair was too long, disheveled at this length. His eyes looked sunken and almost bloodshot. He was frowning deeply, his default expression. He sat slumped and tired and worn. Worse than shit, he looked half-dead.

Maybe he could just ask Caduceus to dig him a hole.

~~

He shouldn’t have joked about that, because that was exactly what Caduceus asked him to do pre-dawn the next morning. Luckily, Caduceus was an early riser, which was the only time Fjord had reliably free before classes and work.

“Do I want to know what these holes are for?” Fjord asked gingerly, looking at the shovel handed to him.

“I would think it’s fairly obvious,” Caduceus said, a little perplexed and a little amused in one.

Fjord cleared his throat. “Right. Okay.”

Caduceus worked right alongside him, digging, then breaking from that to stay nearby. He cared for plants, cleaned gravestones, laid out flowers, and prepared these new gravesites. He worked in relative silence, occasionally humming some song or another seemingly without realizing. Sometimes Fjord heard him murmuring to the plants. He’d heard of people talking to plants, and, frankly, it would have been weirder if Caduceus didn’t.

Fjord finished his work as the sun rose, a little worn and sweaty, covered in dirt, but good. He hadn’t been exercising with Beau as much these past few months. Or the past year, really. He was just too damned tired these days. But it felt good to do something physical again.

“Ah, got that done much faster than I expected,” Caduceus said happily. He looked over the grave sites, then nodded in approval. “You did an excellent job. You’re stronger than you seem.”

“I spent a few years working on ships,” Fjord said. The reason he had started college later than most.

“On the ocean?”

“Yeah,” Fjord said.

“That sounds nice,” he said dreamily. “Never been to the ocean.”

“Really?” Fjord asked. “You, uh, you might like it. Not as many plants, at least not that you can easily see. But it’s beautiful. Calming.”

Caduceus leaned on his own shovel like a staff, closing his eyes for a moment as though he were picturing it. “Maybe I’ll go someday.”

They were quiet for a moment, seeing the sun cresting the earth, casting light over the graveyard. 

“Well, that’s enough for today, I think,” Caduceus said. “Let’s get cleaned up.”

Fjord followed him back to the house, bounding up the stairs to shower and change into his only other set of clothes. The biggest downside to the Xhorhas was that it only boasted two bathrooms to share between the residents, two and one more on the third floor for Caduceus. At least each shower was beyond its own door from the sink and toilet, which was something. 

Not many were up at this hour, so he had an entire bathroom to himself. He showered briskly, then took a moment to shave. His hair would have to wait. Maybe Yasha would cut it? She cut Caleb’s hair that one time. Or was that his beard? He couldn’t remember anything besides it involving a sword.

He passed Nott on the way downstairs, who griped at him for ‘taking forever’. Nott was the only non-student in the house, besides maybe Caduceus. She was staying there to save money while she waited for her husband and her son to be able to move to the area, where they hoped to get a proper house for themselves. And maybe Caleb.

When he reached downstairs, noting he still had time for breakfast and maybe some studying before class, he found an odd sight. Carefully arranged in the limited space of the front entry were two yoga mats, on which Caduceus and Beau were finishing up their yoga session.

“Oh, hey Fjord,” Beau said from a twisted stance that was certainly not human. 

Caduceus released a sigh as he unfurled himself. “Mister Fjord, we’re about to do some meditating if you’d like to join us.”

Beau’s eyes lit up. “Oh, yeah. Caduceus does the best guided meditations, man.”

“I’m not really one for meditation,” he said.

Before Beau could complain, Caduceus nodded, closing his eyes calmly and saying, “That’s quite alright. If you ever need to calm your mind or find some peace, you’re welcome to join us.”

“Uh, thank you,” Fjord said. 

He slung his bag over his shoulder and quickly left the house and The Blooming Grove. If he swung by the cafe he worked at, he might be able to get some day-old pastries or breakfast sandwiches for a discount. Of course, only The Champions worked there, so he’d be at a risk. 

He was scheduled for this afternoon, and he had to work. But he wasn’t ready to face any of them.

Might be better just to skip breakfast.


	2. Let us help you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fjord's sudden absence from The Champions does not go unnoticed, or unpunished. Amidst the inner turmoil and anxiety, he tries to find some peace. And his friends try to find him.

Fjord enjoyed focusing. When he lived for those years between ships, there was no real down time. No time to think. No time to lose yourself to the part of your mind that you keep swept under rugs. No worrying about what came next.

He didn’t enjoy the great, big future. It loomed over him like a stormcloud, filling his mind with questions like bolts of lightning.

_What are you going to do after college?_

_What is your passion?_

_Will you find your place in this world?_

_How will you make something of yourself?_

_Were they all right about you?_

It was no wonder he had given himself so readily to The Champions, back when Avantika sold it as something far more innocent and warm. But that came with its own price. And that price grew heavier by the day.

At least class was a time to focus, even if it wasn’t the subjects related most to his major. He always tried to schedule them one after the other. No breaks. Just running between buildings without a second to lose that focus, to turn his phone off silent and check what waited for him. To put off the world a little longer.

But class always ended. And when he stepped out of his last one mid-afternoon, walking the familiar path towards the cafe, he checked his phone.

_Don’t bother coming to work._

Avantika. 

_Are you serious?_ he typed, though her text had come in over an hour ago. _I just wanted to hang with my friends for a bit. It’s not a big deal. I still need the money, and the cafe is short staffed enough._

Pleasing, bargaining, logic, none of it would work.

Her little bubble of a reply popped up, something akin to a knife to the chest.

_I gave that job to another Champion. Until you’re ready to actually be one, don’t come back._

He slowed to a halt, people moving around him with the occasional annoyed glance as he stared at the message. 

He’d been dragging his feet for months now within The Champions. His year-long initiation had finished months ago, and then it was time to make the final promise. Avantika bore the tattoo on her palm, blatant and impossible to ignore. That was only the start. You handed over your belongings, your paychecks, your bank accounts, your life to The Champions.

He’d talked his way out a dozen or more times, not able to take that final step. It felt...wrong. It was wrong, right? Even Jester’s insane Traveler didn’t ask for people’s social security number. Just for them to paint a mustache in bright pink on the college’s founder statue. 

Plus, once he joined The Champions for real, he wouldn’t be able to see his friends anymore. The Mighty Nein, they’d called themselves when they were lumped together for Freshman orientation. The Champions didn’t say you couldn’t have outside friends, but it was clear in everything they did. It was all Uk’otoa, all the time. 

Fjord swallowed past a lump in his throat and finally remembered he was supposed to be walking. He kept going, through the campus, past the library, away from all the buildings until he was back in The Blooming Grove. He wandered over to the giant tree, tall even by The Grove’s standards, and sat at its base. There were no graves immediately under the tree, or at least no markers. Fjord had gathered it was that way on purpose, so people could sit here. He vaguely remembered seeing a wake being held around it once, when he’d walked by.

Now he leaned back against the tree and closed his eyes. He wondered if it might grant him some wisdom, some peace.

Peace. Caduceus had mentioned peace when he talked about meditation. Maybe...maybe it was worth a try in the morning. If it calmed the storm in his mind, it would be worth it. 

Fjord stayed outside for a long time. After a while, he pulled out his books to do some studying. It was nice, outside in the quiet. The campus had a few outdoor places, but they were always crowded and loud. This... This was peaceful. Even if it was dead people territory.

Which is more disturbing, he wondered. That I’m staying in a graveyard, or that after a day I’m kinda okay with it?

His stomach started to protest, but he just couldn’t bring himself to get up or get food. Apparently Caduceus kept the kitchen reasonably stocked, but Fjord was already taking up favors in being able to stay, much less having his own room. He couldn’t take food, too. But then, he also had $20 to his name, and something told him he wasn’t getting that final paycheck. 

When it grew later, hunger and stress left him exhausted and ready to go inside. He lingered long enough to admire the start of the sunset before heading into the Xhorhas.

Inside, he heard a raucous from beyond the entry room. He was fairly certain the door to the right led to the dining room and kitchen, the source of the noise.

“Fjord?” Jester yelled, voice bouncing off the walls. “Was that Fjord coming in just now?”

“Yeah, it’s me,” he called back, weighing his options. He could hang out with his friends, a much needed distraction, but then he’d had to be closer to the amazing smells coming from the kitchen without eating. And he’d be grumpy. 

“Fjord, come here! Through the kitchen!” yelled Caleb, clearly in a jovial mood. Fjord sighed, or perhaps steeled himself, and stepped through the curtain.

The Xhorhas was weird and old and weird. The curtained door led into the kitchen, which then led into the dining room in a roundabout way. But he supposed it was nice, because anyone in the kitchen would easily see and chat with those in the dining room.

To no surprise, the kitchen was as cluttered and full of greenery as anywhere else in the house. This greenery seemed to be mostly herbs, though. Caduceus stood with his back to Fjord at the stove. He glanced over and smiled in greeting, exposing a peek of his dark purple apron covered in splotched stains.

Fjord looked to the right to see his friends seated at a long dining table, crammed together despite the extra space they left. 

“Come sit with us,” Caleb called. He stroked the curled up Frumpkin in his lap.

“Yeah, you’re just in time. Caduceus is making something special,” Beau said.

“Just a new recipe I’ve been working on,” Caduceus said humbly. “Fjord, do you have any dietary restrictions? I’m sorry I never asked.”

“Oh, I couldn’t,” Fjord tried to say. But as Caduceus realized Fjord wasn’t going to eat with them, the cheerful firbolg practically wilted. His ears dropped, his smile lowered, and even the vibrancy of the plants around him seemed to fade.

It was heart-wrenching, and Fjord quickly amended, “But it smells so amazing, I don’t think I can help myself. If it’s not too much trouble. And, uh, no dietary restrictions.”

“Wonderful!” Caduceus said, all the cheer returning to him in an instant.

Fjord remembered what Beau had said about one of the landlord’s “requirements” being his tenants allowing him to feed them sometimes, and he gathered this was what she meant.

Fjord took a seat beside Caleb at the edge of the group. Everyone chattered about their day, about the cool sparring match Beau had that Jester and Yasha got to watch, about the cutest thing that Frumpkin did that day, about how Molly had sent Yasha the funniest meme that morning and the video Yeza had sent Nott of their son.

Caduceus set out little snacks for them, a simple but delicious cheese plate with fresh fruits aplenty. They picked at it, laughing and teasing and talking until Fjord had forgotten about his day. 

The Champions wanted to be all that mattered in the lives of their members. They wanted to absorb them, promising to free them from their problems and worldly fears in a way that initially didn’t sound half so alarming.

But the Nein could actually do it, and without the painful cost. When Fjord was with them, he could forget about everything for a while. All that mattered was his friends. And he was happy. All they lacked was the intoxicating sense of direction The Champions promised.

With their vegan dinner served - and Fjord had never realized how good vegan food could be - Caduceus sat opposite Fjord and quietly joined in just as if he’d always been part of the group. 

“How was your day, Fjord?” Yasha asked softly, once everyone else had had their moment.

“Uh,” he sputtered. “It was okay. Got up early to help Caduceus, which went well. Classes were good. Got a lot of studying done.”

“I saw you outside earlier,” Yasha said with a nod.

“I thought you had work today?” Nott said.

He knew they weren’t like that, but he felt the weight of their eyes on him like judgement. “Avantika, uh, she told me not to come in. Ever. Until I’m ready to be a ‘real Champion’.”

“I take back everything I ever said about The Traveler being a cult,” Caleb muttered disapprovingly, but not of Fjord.

“See?” Jester said. To Fjord, she spoke more kindly, “You know, you don’t have to stay with them, Fjord. We could all go and get your things for you. You don’t have to see Avantika or anyone. Yasha is really very scary, and so is Beau, and Caduceus can be really scary when he wants to be.”

“Is that so?” Caduceus asked cheerfully.

“Yeah, we’ll totally kick their asses for you,” Beau said just as Nott leapt onto her feet on her chair and shouted, “We could kill them!”

Fjord reached towards her in a “let’s calm down” motion. “Let’s not… I don’t want them to die, Nott. Nor for any of you to go to jail.”

“I could talk to my dad,” Jester offered.

“Ooh, yeah, we could ask The Gentleman for help,” Yasha agreed.

“Can we maybe not get the mob involved?” Fjord asked.

“I have a place we could bury them,” Caduceus offered, chuckling at his joke even as it slipped by unnoticed by most of the group. Fjord caught it, and couldn’t help a little snort in spite of himself.

“Please, really,” he managed. “I can handle this myself.”

“Sure you can,” Caduceus said casually, stirring the tea he’d made with dinner. “But you don’t have to.”

That quieted Fjord for a moment, until he murmured, “I...Thank you.”

“Just let us know what you want to do,” Caleb told him, patting him a awkwardly on the shoulder.

~

The next morning started much the same as the previous day. Wake up early enough that it might as well be night. Help Caduceus around the property. This time they set about building new furniture to replace some of the older pieces around.

“Beau’s bed is very squeaky,” Caduceus said.

“Oh.” A moment passed. “Oh.”

“I won’t comment on anyone having guests over,” Caduceus said in his loaded way, “but I’d like not to be woken.”

“I’ll, uh, make sure to reinforce this one a bit,” Fjord said. 

It was luck, or perhaps a natural coincidence, that Fjord has the right kind of skills to help Caduceus with all his stacked-up projects. They chatted a little more that day, working together more closely on the same project as they were. Just simple things, like learning a bit about Caduceus’s family, Fjord talking about his time at sea. Pleasant conversation that made him feel a little more part of the Grove.

As they finished up their work outside - it was a little too crammed inside for building anything - they cleaned up their mess and headed indoors.

“Caduceus?” Fjord said. The taller man paused and looked patiently over at him. “I was, uh, wondering if I might meditate with you and Beau in a bit?”

Caduceus smiled brightly. “Yes, of course, Mister Fjord. She should be down for yoga any minute, and we usually spend about an hour with that.”

“I’ll be back down in an hour, then,” Fjord said, awkwardly starting up the stairs. Caduceus nodded, then turned towards the plant corner with the shelves and the little maybe-shrine. It had incense and little figures, but it might be less religious and more of a spiritual thing. Maybe? Caduceus didn’t seem the religious type. At least, Fjord couldn’t imagine him worshipping any god he’d heard of.

It didn’t help that the gods he was the most familiar with were The Traveler and whatever the fuck Uk’otoa was.

Fjord showered and changed, having done laundry last night along with some of Caleb’s things. He stayed in his room a little longer, fretting over the plant Caduceus gave him to pass the time and checking that he was on track with his assignments. Thank the gods Beau had insisted he take his laptop when she wretched him from The Champions’ house. Maybe he shouldn’t be talking to gods right now.

He made it back downstairs and sat on the stairs while Beau and Caduceus finished up the last ten minutes or so of their yoga ritual. As much as Beau’s physical abilities always impressed Fjord, he was fairly accustomed to her. Caduceus, though…

He wasn’t sure how someone so thin and tall could have the strength and grace to do some of the things he could do. He made Beau look...clumsy with each transition to some new pose. 

Fjord suddenly realized he was staring at a shirtless Caduceus and quickly looked away.

When they finished, they rolled up their yoga mats and welcomed Fjord.

“Just take a seat on the floor, get nice and comfortable,” Caduceus directed. “There you go. Take a few deep breaths, all the way to your stomach.”

He continued this way, counting breaths and seconds between them, guiding Fjord and Beau to scan their bodies for tension, just to notice it. To feel their lungs expand, to watch their thoughts pass by like leaves on the wind.

It was hard to stay focused on...well, not focusing. Fjord wanted to chase each thought, each leaf, like an errant child in the park. He felt frustrated by how often he had to draw his attention back to himself, to breathing. But he kept at it. He fixated on Caduceus’s calming voice, on each word, each syllable, each sound and to try and follow along.

And, for a moment, there was quiet. Something felt...different. Like his mind had unfolded itself, yet it was peacefully empty of his own chatter. Just quiet. Then the softest noise, like a warm breeze. Just him and the wind and the faint smell of salt.

It was as far as he got before he lost it, and shortly after, the meditation came to a close.

“How was it?” Beau asked him.

“It takes time,” Caduceus said. “It’s a new skill. If you choose to keep working on it, you will enjoy more of its benefits.”

“Yes, I can…” His own voice was softer, too. He cleared his throat for some reason. “I can imagine the benefits. That was...nice, Caduceus. Thank you for letting me join.”

“You’re always welcome,” Caduceus said. “Before you leave, don’t forget to go into the kitchen. I leave out some little things for breakfast during the week.”

“Wait until this weekend,” Beau told him as she stretched and got to her feet. She reached down towards him and hoisted him up by the hand. “Caduceus makes amazing spreads for breakfast on the weekends.”

“If you’d like to join,” Caduceus said.

“Absolutely,” Fjord told him. “Dinner was amazing yesterday, so I look forward to any more meals you choose to prepare.”

There was a faint shift in color on the firbolg’s face as he ducked his head. “Why, thank you Mister Fjord.”

~~

Things were quiet that day, and the next. But Fjord knew better than to think that meant anything. He still hadn’t decided what to do with himself, and he was four days into his seven-day break.

It was Thursday, and he at least had the luxury of hoping Caduceus prepared something for dinner again tonight. Fjord spent the better part of his afternoon after classes looking for jobs in the area, but couldn’t bring himself to apply to anything. Applying meant he wasn’t going back to the cafe, that he wasn’t going back to The Champions.

It was late afternoon that he made it back to the Grove, and off under the large tree sat Caduceus. He was surrounded by incense and items Fjord couldn’t make out. He looked to be meditating, perfectly still and silent, so Fjord left him alone and went directly into the house.

“Ah, Fjord.”

Yasha sat in the entryway on one of the couches there. 

“Hey, Yasha,” he said. “Good day?”

“Yes. I was actually hoping…”

“Yes?”

She hesitated. “I thought maybe we could talk?”

He could imagine what this might be about, but Yasha was not the overbearing one. She had said little about his situation, keeping any opinions to herself. For a long time, he thought he had Yasha fooled that things were fine. He later learned that was not the case.

Fjord tossed his bag by the door, careful not to upset the potted plants, and sat in a chair beside Yasha. “You want to talk?”

She took a long moment to think, brows a little furrowed. When she spoke, it was slowly and with intense deliberation. “I only wanted to ask if you remembered back when I was spending time with Obann.”

“Of course,” he said. It had been a miserable semester for Yasha, early on in everyone’s friendship but far enough that they knew something was wrong. A professor had gotten in her head, twisting her in her lingering grief into something she didn’t want to be. Angry. Even violent. The Nein, well, some of them had lost hope in her. Fjord had been among them. But others continued pushing, and eventually they exposed the professor for the shit he was doing to students. Among other, more blatantly illegal activities he roped them into.

Fjord remembered with some regret. He understood why he had felt so betrayed by Yasha, but now that he knew how it all ended, he wished he had been more understanding. But then, if he were honest, that trust was still being rebuilt between them.

“I was so angry and hurt,” she said softly. “Inside, I just felt tired. Out of control. It was easier to give over control. To tell myself I didn’t want it in the first place. I didn’t have to think, to feel. But that was worse, and it made me hurt the people I loved. 

“I don’t want to pry into your life. But since you came into the Xhorhas for the week, every time I see you I think… Where would I be if it hadn’t been for the Nein? If some friends hadn’t refused to give up on me, if you all hadn’t accepted me back after all I did? I think I would still be in that place. And I wouldn’t wish that on anyone, Fjord. Especially not you.”

“You think Avantika and The Champions are the same as Obann,” he said, staring down at the floor.

“I don’t know them very well,” she said softly. “But I think they’re having the same effect on you that Obann had on me, at least in many ways. And that doesn’t seem right.”

He was quiet for a time, before he said weakly, “What am I going to do? I don’t have a job. They have all my things. I’m one more C from losing my scholarship. I have no direction, and I don’t know--”

He bit off his own words, feeling the tension overwhelming him.

Yasha slowly, carefully, pressed a hand to shoulder. “You will find something new. We will both find something new.”

“I have no money,” he said, looking at her through blurred vision. “I’m homeless, with--”

“Caduceus will let you stay here longer, until you find a job,” she said. “We can all help.”

“I can’t--”

She shifted to put her hands on each of his shoulders, firm but not painful, to look him in the eyes. Her mis-matched eyes bore into him. “Let us help you.”

She paused, then said, “I know how hard it is, more than anyone. But you’re important to everyone here. We’re practically family. Just for a little while, let us keep you upright.”

She glanced aside. “It’s either that, or Beau and Jester are going to tie you up and lock you in the basement until you come to your senses.”

She was joking, he was fairly certain. The shock of it broke a watery laugh from him. “There’s a basement?”

She nodded severely. “Of course there’s a basement.”

Fjord laughed in earnest, drawing a smile from Yasha. She released his shoulders, and the tension eased from the space. They sat together quietly for a long moment, until Jester burst into the house with a dangerous grin, and all peace was lost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for joining me for another chapter of: Trauma and Healing. Alternatively titled: I'm trying my best to maintain the cast's unique characterizations but boy is this hard. More to come within the next few days!


	3. A Peaceful Goddess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fjord learns more about Caduceus and the goddess that inspires his way of life. But as his final two days at the Xhorhaus loom, he begins to wonder if he made a mistake in staying there at all.

It was later that night, after another warm meal with his friends, that Caduceus found Fjord on the patio.

“Good evening,” he said as he stepped outside.

“Hey Caduceus.”

Fjord was seated on the bench. There seemed to be an unspoken rule to leave the rocking chair be, plus it was too big for his comfort. 

“I was just making some tea. Would you like some?”

Ah, dead people tea. Fjord was still...adjusting to the concept. But it really was good if you got past the psychological barriers. “Yes, thank you.”

A few moments later, tea and firbolg joined him. Caduceus settled into the rocking chair, gently rocking back and forth with his tail swishing about idly. He held his mug close to his chest as he stared out over The Grove.

“Hey, Caduceus?” Fjord asked.

“Yes, Mister Fjord?”

“Do you mind...You don’t have to answer, but I noticed you were outside by that large tree over there earlier. What were you doing?”

He glanced at the tree when Fjord pointed, then turned back to him. “I was talking to the Wildmother.”

“The Wildmother?”

He nodded dreamily. “The Wildmother is my family’s patron goddess. We have, for many generations, cared for this land in Her honor.”

“What is she a goddess of?” Fjord asked, looking at the gravestones.

“Nature, in all its forms,” he answered simply.

“Oh. That...makes sense,” he said. “I didn’t know you were religious.”

He smiled lazily at Fjord. “She’s always been a part of my life, another family member of sorts. I’ve devoted my life to Her. All of the Clays have, in their own ways. But I chose to stay here and honor Her this way.”

Fjord stared at him for a moment, then, almost laughing, said, “You speak so calmly of her. I’ve never heard people talk about a god like that. Usually it’s more reverent. Or fearful. Or...Jester.”

He chuckled. “The Wildmother is not about big ceremonies and hefty offerings. It’s about honoring Her through nature. Caring for it, nurturing it. Civilization and nature can coexist. As followers of the Wildmother, we work to remind the world of that.”

He gestured out towards the edge of the Grove, where one could just see the plethora of buildings and busy city that began the exact inch the Grove ended.

“She also watches over the seas,” Caduceus mused. 

“Oh. I didn’t know that.”

He nodded. They lingered in calm silence, Caduceus lost in Caduceus-esque thoughts, and Fjord wrestling with the confusing contradiction of a peaceful deity. 

“Does she… All she asks you to do is manage The Blooming Grove?” he finally asked.

“Yes,” he said. “She asks all of Her followers to respect and care for nature, for the wildest parts of the world. To resist and destroy that which is unnatural in the darkest sense. To defend the wilds from civilization. The Blooming Grove is a special place to Her. It is our sacred duty to protect it.”

“Which is why you have so many plants around.”

He nodded. “You understand.”

“I don’t think I do,” Fjord confessed with an awkward laugh. “She doesn’t seem like the gods I’ve heard of.”

“She is, and She isn’t, I suppose,” Caduceus agreed. “But She suits me.”

“What does she...do for you?” Fjord asked. “Is that wrong to ask?”

Caduceus considered it. “I can’t say to your second question. But for the first… She provides guidance, support. She offers protection where She can, and cares for the natural world. She doesn’t speak to me the way the Traveler speaks to Jester - She is more traditional in that sense, but isn’t that enough? It is for me.”

“No, of course. It’s certainly enough,” Fjord said respectfully, though Caduceus was clearly not offended. “She seems to be a compassionate deity.”

“She is.”

~~

The next afternoon, on a warm Friday, Fjord took a break from studying to do a little research.

Caduceus's words about the Wildmother had stuck to him. Rather than the sweat-inducing dreams of being swallowed by a snake god-thing, he dreamt of warmth and calm. Like what he felt when he hit that specific point in meditation. And when he woke up, he thought of the Wildmother.

There was a vast theology section in the campus’s main library. He remembered when Jester razed the place trying to prove the Traveler was real to them, to no avail.

Standing at the top of the stairs, staring down the "Theology" sign, he wondered if he had to look for "Wildmother" or "The Wildmother".

Which felt like a stupid question, but here he was.

He eventually found mentions of her by searching the library database, pulling the relevant dusty books from their home on the shelves. He could use the Internet, but he wasn't interested in running into conspiracy theories or discussions about which god was best. His attempts at understanding the other deities he'd encountered had ended thusly, and he wasn't taking that risk.

To no surprise, Caduceus was spot on. The Wildmother was a nature goddess, presiding over land and sea. She was separated from the mortal planes with the other gods way back then and blah blah, not what he was looking for.

He found stories of key followers, as well as her connections to other deities. Apparently she was a lesbian goddess, partnered with the goddess of civilization. An opposites attract situation, he imagined, except he remembered what Caduceus had said about them coexisting. What better way to show their followers that the two could live side-by-side in peace than for the deities to find peace as a couple. Goddesses that led by example, it seemed.

He read on, making notes in a notebook he hadn’t quite used up last semester. His focus had narrowed in on the subject, and he read and skimmed and wrote and wondered with the kind of intense concentration he knew best from his time on the sea. 

The Wildmother, named Melora, seemed gentle, but not without her bite. Like nature, like forests and the sea and wildlife itself. He recognized her simple, swirl symbol from the shape of Caduceus’s wooden earring. Her more complex symbols, wreath of plants and flowers around a spiral-topped staff made of wood, was also familiar. Where had he seen this?

His phone range. The sudden noise broke him from his focus and sent a chill down his spine. Why had he left the call ringtone on?

He checked the phone, seeing an unfamiliar number. His stomach dropped. There were half a dozen missed texts based on the icon at the top of the screen, too. Who? Maybe a wrong number or a telemarketer, but then why did he have a backlog of texts?

He took a deep breath, trying to quickly mimic his attempts at meditation. Then he swiped the screen. “Hello?”

"Ah, good, it's you," said a familiar, drawling voice. All of the tension left Fjord as he released his held breath. The voice grew distant for a moment as he called out, "It's Fjord everyone."

"Caduceus? Of course it's me. This is my number."

Caduceus returned to the phone as chatter rose in the background. "We were just a bit worried, and Beau and Yasha lost their phones in a pond this morning, so they've been in rice all day. The others' phones were dead, and you weren't answering Jester’s calls or texts."

"I didn't hear her call."

A sudden gasp in the background and a panicked, "Oh! I changed all his contacts to a silent ringtone the other day."

"Why would you do that?" Beau exclaimed.

"It was just a prank!"

"That's a weird prank," Nott said.

"I’m stepping away," Caduceus announced. After a moment, in a quieter setting, he said, "Sorry about that. Bit distracting in there."

"Caduceus, I don't mean to complain, but why did you call me? Is something wrong?"

"Well, you see, it got to dinner time and no one had seen you since meditation. And then the phone issues, and we were all fairly worried something had happened."

"What time--" Fjord pulled his phone from his face just long enough to glimpse the screen. "Oh shit! I'm sorry Caduceus. I'm getting my things and running right home. I just got caught up studying."

"Must be an interesting subject," Caduceus laughed. "Care to tell me about it on the way back?"

Caduceus seemed like the type of friend to have you text them when you got home, or who made sure you made it inside when he dropped you off before driving away. Fjord held his phone between his ear and shoulder so he was free to quickly pile up the books and leave them on the nearest return cart.

"I was actually reading about the Wildmother," he said, a little anxious even if it didn’t reach his voice. If he hadn't known Caduceus was alone, he probably wouldn't have had the courage to be honest. While he had learned Caduceus pulled no punches when he disapproved of something, he was also somehow one of the more accepting people he'd met. And everyone else liked to tease.

"Certainly an interesting subject, I’d say,” he said with a little laugh. “Learn anything noteworthy?”

“Just more of what you already shared, but it was interesting. There were some legends and histories of her followers. Big heroes, and such.”

He hummed on the other end. “We heard a few of those growing up, now and then. Not sure if they’re the same, or just old stories passed down in the family. My sister always liked the heroic ones. Haven’t talked to her lately. I should give her a call.”

“Is this the one running the outdoor gym, or the one studying Entomology in another city?”

“The one running the gym.”

“I’m sure she’d be happy to hear from you, either sister, really.”

“Well, I chat with Clarabelle nearly every day. She’s the one studying Entomology. She sends me pictures of bugs, and I send her pictures of my plants and recipes.”

Fjord made it outside the library and into the lit streets. He kept an eye out, paranoia peeking through. As he walked further from the center of campus and people grew fewer and far between, he was glad to have Caduceus on the phone.

“I would never have guessed she was your sister.”

A pause, then Caduceus’s throaty laugh. “Clarabelle and I are probably the most alike of us kids. My other siblings took more after my mother, I think.”

Fjord asked more about Caduceus’s eccentric family, drawn into the warm, fond tones of Caduceus’s voice. At moments, he could just pick out a vein of sadness, or perhaps loneliness, but that was always quickly smoothed over with a cheery comment.

And then, in what seemed to be an instant, he was on the dirt path to the Xhorhaus.

“Ah, there you are,” Caduceus said with a little wave. Fjord smiled and waved back instinctively. 

“I’ll, uh, hang up now.”

When he walked up the porch steps, Caduceus greeted him with a warm, relieved smile and a simple, “Hello. Hungry?”

“Starving.”

“Let’s get you inside.”

The Nein cheered at his entrance, lingering at the dining table around empty takeout containers.

“Yours is in the kitchen - just gotta heat it a bit,” Beau said. “We got you that thing you like.”

“Thank you,” he said. “I’ll pay you back.”

She flapped a hand dismissively, and he stepped back into the kitchen with Caduceus to reheat their meals.

“You didn’t have to wait, Caduceus,” Fjord said.

“I didn’t really plan it. I just got distracted enjoying our conversation,” he confessed.

Fjord didn’t reply, mind trying to scramble up an appropriate response until it was too late to say anything. They took their food back to the table, sitting in the same spots opposite each other. They ate while the rest of the group continued chatting, until they, too, had finished, and everyone began to disperse.

He was starting to get the hang of the house. A few questions texted to Beau and observation taught him the basics. It seemed Caduceus cooked dinner most nights, with everyone else taking turns cleaning up, but never on Fridays. Fridays were takeout days, when the rest of the group split the cost of Caduceus’s meal as thanks for cooking throughout the week. Caduceus did his shopping each week in bulk, getting most of his ingredients from a local farmer’s market and his own plants. Receipts for what he purchased, sometimes just scraps of notes from less formal sellers, were left in a little hanging basket in the kitchen. Every month, Caleb sat down and divided up the total cost between everyone, which was paid out in the same timeframe as rent and utilities.

It was a simple system, one with a clear paper trail if anyone had questions. While it may not have worked with less bonded tenants, it worked smoothly for the Nein.

That night, Fjord tried to find some rest in sleep. After waking from a third nightmare, his racing mind wondered how much it might really cost to live here. He’d heard everyone talk about their costs before, and he’d seen Caleb working on the receipts over the week. With rent, and a rough idea of utilities and the house meals, well. It really wasn’t bad at all for a place so close to campus, with his own space that was clean and functioning. In fact, it was a great deal. Why hadn’t he taken it back when Beau and Jester did?

Ah, that’s right. Avantika had told him to move into The Champion house. Which cost more in base rent than his estimate of rent, utilities, and house meals at the Xhorhaus. And he had to share a room. And the house was shitty. If he could work part-time at minimum wage and manage to barely scrape by there, surely he could manage --

What was he thinking, wondering about living here? He had, what, one weekend left before he was supposed to go back. To make his final commitment, to beg for his job back, to be reunited permanently with The Champions. Two days before he had to say goodbye. Goodbye to a quiet, clean room. Goodbye to a short walk from campus. Goodbye to a beautiful, if a little eerie, alcove of nature around him, goodbye to that gorgeous tree, goodbye to morning meditation, goodbye to home-cooked meals that were actually good for him, goodbye to…

Nott wouldn’t snip at him for taking up the bathroom. Jester wouldn’t mess with his things. Frumpkin wouldn’t nap at his side while he studied. Beau and Yasha and Caleb would all be so far away again. And Caduceus…

Fjord had only known him a few days, but it felt much longer. The quiet firbolg had nurtured a deep respect and admiration in Fjord, seemingly without trying or noticing. Not much older than Fjord, Caduceus still seemed wise beyond his years. For the first time since Vandren, Fjord felt like he had someone to look to for guidance in a way his friends - well-meaning as they were - couldn’t really provide. Except Caduceus seemed more personally invested in Fjord’s well-being after five days than Vandren had after years.

He didn’t want to think about it. That was the point of The Champions. Not having to think. Fjord turned over and tried to somehow cram himself further into bed, as though that might force him to sleep. 

He shouldn’t have let Beau drag him away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Healing and recovery are not linear experiences. One might even call them a... spiral? 0.0


	4. Pink Blossoms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fjord starts off his weekend at the Xhorhaus with a clearer head and a lighter heart. When he finds a new job opportunity, he is faced with a new path. He takes it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really want to balance Caduceus's being a positive, guidance influence with Fjord having agency over his own freedom and healing. Kinda been a struggle, but hopefully the power dynamic between the two is balanced. And either way, I'd like to note that this is a work of fiction. In real life, it would be wildly inappropriate for a landlord to do a lot of Caduceus is doing, much less allow a romantic relationship with a tenant. But, again, this is fiction, and we're all just having fun here. Unless this is triggering for you, personally, in which case please click away and take care of yourself.

He awoke in the morning to the sound of metallic clanging.

“It’s breakfast ti~ime,” Jester’s cheery voice sang from outside his door as she banged - what? Pots and pans? - together. “It’s time to wake u~up!”

He heard distant, high-pitched cursing from the direction of Nott’s room, followed by a giggle from Jester and her thudding back down the stairs.

Fjord threw himself out of bed, slinking into the bathroom for just a few moments to wake himself up. He’d slept like shit. Hadn’t he set an alarm to wake up early? Caduceus had said he could help out later in the day so he could sleep in, but he’d still wanted to be up for meditation.

So much for that.

Fjord made his way downstairs and through the kitchen into the dining room, where everyone but Nott was settling around a wide array of breakfast foods. There were tall stacks of pancakes, waffles, piles of fruit, syrup in different flavors, breakfast sandwiches, bagels, and more laid out, all in their vegan varieties. Fjord wasn’t sure about the vegan version of some of these items, but after everything else he’d eaten that week, he was willing to try.

Caduceus stood nearby, having just set down the final plate of food. He looked rather pleased with himself in his purple apron. A bit of light from the window was falling on his face just so, and Fjord thought that he looked rather handsome in that image.

Which was a weird thought, and one he squashed back down. He didn’t need to get into that weird admiration-crush area right now. In fact, it might be the exact last thing he needed.

Fjord took his seat, Nott following shortly after. They all tore into the food, shockingly quiet for a few moments as everyone was lost to the joys of breakfast. What had seemed to Fjord like a ridiculous amount of food turned out not to be, as the Nein neatly polished it off.

“That was _so_ good Caduceus,” Beau said, slouching a bit with a hand on her stomach.

The others echoed their thanks to a pleased Caduceus. Fjord couldn’t help the thought that Caduceus was the kind who needed people to fret over. He supposed the Nein was about as perfect a match as any.

Fjord considered spending his day studying, maybe trying to look at job postings. The thought reminded him of his rough night, of regretting ever leaving The Champions’ house even temporarily. But now, in the light of day and with a stomach full of pastries, he wondered if maybe it wasn’t the right choice. Maybe, if there was such a thing as fate, he was meant to be here now. Surrounded by friends, with the only stranger becoming a fast friend as well, in a beautiful nature escape, under the eye of a goddess that asks you to protect and preserve rather than consume and destroy.

Any of his plans for the day were dashed by his friends, who coaxed him into joining them at a pop up carnaval. It was a day full of Jester-levels of chaos, spurred on by Nott that he gave up trying to contain after about an hour. At one point, Caleb had gone off to read, Beau was trying to impress Jester by winning her a giant unicorn plush at a game, Nott was on top of a popcorn stand, and Yasha was showing a juggler how to actually perform.

He took a deep sigh, pulled out his phone, and recorded a clip of all of his friends in their shenanigans to send to Molly. Then, on a whim, he sent it to Caduceus as well. He was kinda part of the group now, right? That was the impression Fjord got, even if Caduceus couldn’t join them today. Visiting his sister, he’d said.

By the time they made it back to the Xhorhaus, everyone still laughing and jostling one another, it was nearly sunset.

Caduceus was sitting in his rocking chair, wearing an endearing straw hat that made Fjord smile instinctively. 

“Caduceus~!” Jester called out. “The carnival was _so_ much fun. Look what Beau won me!”

She raised the over-stuffed unicorn plush high overhead with pride. 

“You should join us next time,” Fjord said.

He smiled wide, eyes crinkling. “I’d like that.”

He stood up, a little slowly as though he’d been sitting for a while. “Would you all mind very much if we fended for ourselves for dinner? I’m rather tired today.”

There was a chorus of, “of course!” and “no problem!” from the group as they poured inside.

“Ah, Fjord? Could I speak with you for a moment?” Caduceus asked. Fjord paused, then stepped out of the way of the others. Had he done something wrong?

Ah, shit. He’d forgotten.

“Right. I still need to earn my keep for today,” he said with a little laugh. “What should I work on?”

“It’s not that,” he said, distracted and gazing off across the Grove. “Actually, I’d like to skip our project work today, if you don’t mind. We can call it even.”

“Caduceus, are you alright? I mean, it’s not that I’m not grateful for a break, but you seem...tired.”

He met Fjord’s eyes to smile. “I am a bit worn out today, I’m afraid. But just tired. Calliope’s gym is very busy on the weekends. Too many people.”

Ah, that made sense. Fjord wasn’t bothered by crowds too much most days, but it was obvious that Caduceus, while sociable and friendly, was a more introverted man. In fact, it was a little strange to imagine the towering pink firbolg anywhere other than in the Grove.

“Of course. Is there anything I could do to help?” Fjord asked. “I could try making you something to eat? I’m, uh, not familiar with much vegan cooking, but I’m sure I could put together some of those sandwiches you left out the other day? The moss ones?”

“Oh, no, I couldn’t impose--”

“I insist. We could call it my work for the day, if need be.”

Caduceus considered it. “Well, alright. I would appreciate it, Fjord.”

Fjord stepped towards the door. “You get settled again. I’ll bring out some food and tea, and then we can talk.”

“Right, thank you.”

Fjord disappeared indoors, suddenly daunted by the idea of cooking anything for Caduceus. And he offered to make tea? Caduceus was the type to make tea properly, to brew it at the perfect temperature for the exact amount of time that particular tea required.

He ventured into the kitchen, carefully sifting through the shelves so as not to upset Caduceus’s inscrutable system. He found the sandwich ingredients easily enough - it was the kind of recipe you could piece together just by looking at the meal. The tea he relied on the Internet for. A search told him honey lemon tea might be an easy one to make. He watched a quick tutorial and made himself meticulous notes. 

After a bit of time, he had two plates of sandwiches, neatly cut in half, and two cups of tea. He placed them strategically on a large tray with a little saucer of honey, a tiny spoon, and a sliced lemon. He’d noticed Caduceus often added them to his teas, so hopefully that would be enough if he hadn’t gotten the flavor right.

Caduceus was still outside, his empty tea cup on the little rounded table, slightly unbalanced. Fjord set down the tray, shifting it so Caduceus’s half was closest to him, then sitting on the bench.

“Thank you, Fjord,” Caduceus said. 

“I hope I did it justice.”

“I’m certain you did. You’re a quick learner.”

They enjoyed a quiet moment, the warmth of the day beginning its shift into a cool night. 

“Did you enjoy the carnival?” Caduceus asked after a few moments, his sandwiches gone and tea between his hands. He always held it up to his chest like that, especially when he was sitting idly. It was a little cute.

“Yes, though it was tiring in its own way,” Fjord said. “You may have seen the video I sent.”

Caduceus chuckled. “I showed Calliope, and she got a good laugh out of that. Still can’t puzzle out why Nott was up on the popcorn stand.”

“I think the vendor said something that offended her? I don’t know.”

“Ah, that reminds me,” Caduceus said, straightening a bit. “I needed to talk to you.”

“Right.” Fjord felt the pit in his stomach return.

“Calliope runs a gym, and she has a few people she’s brought on staff,” he said. “She’s very proud, we all are. She normally spends her time between all the tasks, training, running the business, working reception, and the like. But she’s gotten a bit overwhelmed with the gym’s success.”

“Understandable,” Fjord said.

Caduceus nodded. “She told me she’s been having a hard time finding people she likes to help her out more. She really wants to find a part-time receptionist. I think she had one already, but she needs another. I mentioned I knew someone looking for work, and how you’d been helping me all week.”

“Oh,” Fjord said, unable to form any words beyond that.

Caduceus tilted his head thoughtfully. “She asked a lot of questions, most I couldn’t really answer, but she wanted to know if you’d like to speak with her about the job.”

“Oh, wow. Okay.”

“I told her I would ask, but that you might have other things planned. I don’t want to assume or push anything on you, but I do think you would like working at the gym. And it’s important to Calliope that her employees be, at least, accepting of the Wildmother, and I know you’ve been respectful of Her.”

“Of-of course.” Fjord took a deep breath. A job? The pay couldn’t be worse than it was at the cafe, so as long as he got the same minimum hours...Which it sounded like the gym was doing well enough to need him around a bit...And wasn’t it close by?

“I, um, I’d certainly like to talk to her more about it,” Fjord finally said. “I can’t promise anything, but I am interested.”

Caduceus brightened. “Good! I know it’s far from decided, but wouldn’t it work out just so nicely? I’d like for Calliope to have trustworthy folks around her, and she could use someone who is good with people on her staff. She’s a little rough, but she’d be much better to you than some of these other folks have.”

“Oh, yeah, of course.” Fjord had always had some level of charm, even in his more awkward moments. It wasn’t a surprise to hear, but somehow hearing it from Caduceus made him flush. 

“Here, let me get you her number.”

Fjord entered Calliope into his phone after a few attempts at getting her name right. 

“I’ll send her a text tonight. Unless you think I should call her?”

“I think a text is fine. I’m the technology-challenged one of the family, not her.”

Caduceus smiled at Fjord’s laughter. They finished up their tea, talking a little more about their day. Soon it was dark, with speckled stars overhead and invisible crickets chirping away. They said their good nights, and Fjord breezed through his nightly routine. Wash his clothes, brush his teeth, file at his tusks, check that his assignments were all in order, plan what he might need to study tomorrow, finish laundry, then crawl into bed.

Lying in the dark of his room, he pulled out his phone and stared at the new contact.

It didn’t hurt to ask about the job, right? 

In the dark of night, all alone, he felt those familiar hooks dig into his chest, like something weighed him down. Avantika would be so angry if he took another job. It was as good as saying he wasn’t coming back. He might lose all his other things. All that time invested. All the comfort in having someone else to make his decisions.

But it was so damned warm here. The Blooming Grove, the Xhohaus, it was like a dream. Was it even possible that it would stay? If he reached for it, would it just vanish?

Mind shifting between possibilities, the cold comfort of pain well-known versus the warm but terrifying unknown, Fjord fell asleep with his phone on his chest and a single text message he didn’t quite remember sending.

Hey Calliope, this is Fjord, the guy Caduceus mentioned. He said you might have an opening for a front desk role at your gym, and that I should contact you. I’ve got a few years of experience in customer service, and I spent years on various ships doing all kinds of odd jobs. If you still have that opening, I can send you over my full resume if you’d like to talk more.

~~

He dreamt of the ocean. He was standing on the edge of a rocky outcropping, staring out into the softly turning waves. They stretched out before him, intimidating. Awe-inspiring. Eternal. Powerful.

He looked up into a bright blue sky, watching as it shifted. A cloud, or a face? A face made of a cloud, maternal, grew to encompass the sky.

~~

When Fjord awoke his mind raced with the...conversation he’d had with the cloud, the promise he’d made. His heart raced with his mind, and he took a moment just to breathe. Process.

The sun was just beginning to fill the room. Fjord looked around. It was the same room he’d woken in, what, six times now. It was his seventh day in the Xhorhaus. It was his last day in the Xhorhaus.

He planted his feet on the wooden floor, seeing his phone discarded face-down on the floor. He ignored it for now, facing himself in the mirror as he had done merely days ago. Days and yet a lifetime.

He looked disheveled. His hair was still too long, too gray for his age. His face was clean, fuller. His eyes were clear, his slouch more natural and less burdened. He looked...stronger. Somehow. Maybe not physically. Those kinds of changes didn’t happen overnight, after all, but still.

A flash of pink caught his eye, and he looked to the houseplant sitting on the dresser. It had flowered overnight, from nothing to a vibrant pink, pointed sort of flower. He stood and approached the plant, barely grazing the flower with his fingertips. He knew that shade of pink.

It was surreal. He didn’t know if he was still dreaming or experiencing a mental break, but some deep, certain part of him knew it was neither. He dressed and went through his morning routine with a strange calmness over him. When he returned to his room, another shock awaited.

He turned back to his bed, intending on gathering his phone and making his bed, but more color caught his eye. Outside his window, that large, beautiful tree he’d come to admire had burst into color. It’s usually vibrant green leaves were now overwhelmed by bright pink flowers.

Caduceus stood beneath the petals, dressed in the long teal-pink robe-esque coat he’d worn earlier in the week. His back was to Fjord, a staff in one hand while the other extended out to catch a falling petal.

Fjord pried open the old window and leaned out. “Caduceus!”

Caduceus turned at the shout of his name. “Fjord? Look at this! I’ve never seen--”

“It’s amazing! Wait a minute, I’m-I’m coming downstairs.”

Fjord hurried from his room, leaving his window and door open in his haste. He tore out the front door, leaping down the porch steps to jog to the tree.

Caduceus was waiting, smiling with childlike delight as he was gently showered in pink. Petals had caught in his hair, a near-matching color. He laughed.

“I’ve never seen this happen, never heard of it happening,” Caduceus said. “I… I should take a picture. At some point. For my family.”

“I think I--” Fjord caught himself. Who was he to act as if he might be the cause of this? A minor miracle amidst another family’s home for centuries, where they had all worshipped a goddess he stumbled across in a dream, and he was going to try and claim it was about him?

“Do you know something, Fjord?” Caduceus asked in sincere curiosity.

“No, I couldn’t possibly. I just…”

Caduceus watched him expectantly, wise eyes waiting for him to come clean.

“I… I had a dream last night. About the Wildmother.”

Caduceus straightened, leaning towards him in intense interest. 

“She asked me… To serve her, I think. Like you do, but different?” Fjord relayed the dream, the vision of the ocean, all that the Wildmother had told him, the promise he made, even the flower on his houseplant.

Caduceus’s smile slowly widened until it looked like it might split his face in his joy. “This is wonderful, Fjord!”

“Is it?” Fjord said. “I’m a bit nervous, if I’m honest.”

“You’ve been lost to this darkness for some time, I understand. Something drew you to it.”

Fjord looked down for a moment. “I...wanted guidance, I suppose. Purpose. Not to figure it out alone.”

“The Wildmother can give you those things, if you’d like for her to. And from what you’ve shared, I think some part of you might.”

“I’m sorry,” Fjord said. “I don’t mean to make this about me, I’m sure--”

“It is about you,” Caduceus said, almost confused. “She has chosen you to join her following, to take under her wing and her protection. There are no coincidences Fjord. This tree did not burst into flower for the first time in my life the night after you accepted its goddess by chance. She gave you a sign, several of them. First, when you were brought to her temple here, then when you met me, and more this morning.”

Fjord didn’t know what to say. He looked up at Caduceus. The man was smiling down at him, brimming with joy and pride. Was Caduceus proud of him? 

He felt something push at his eyes.

Caduceus looked up into the tree. “This is a blessing, Fjord. I sensed you were meant for greater things than serving destruction, but it seems She has surprised me once again.”

Fjord managed a laugh. “She is certainly surprising.”

“Today is a special day,” Caduceus said, still smiling. “Would you help me finish breakfast? I think I’d like to bring it out here.”

“Of course.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pink flowers can represent grace, gentility, and happiness. Pink blossoms can represent youth, innocence, and joy. 
> 
> I didn't write out the whole Wildmother dream sequence, because that just felt too much like I was transcribing. And I'm not here to compete with the absolute artistry of how Matthew Mercer handles this scene. If you haven't heard the whole thing and want to, I believe it's episode 76.


	5. Too Good to be True

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What was meant to be Fjord's final day in the Xhorhaus feels like a dream. He has a new hope, new purpose, a new job, a new life path laid out for him to take, if only he's willing. And he's willing.
> 
> But as powerful as dreams can be, they always come to an end. The Champions won't let Fjord go in silence, and his newest friend could be caught in the crossfire.

It took more legwork than their usual meal to eat their breakfast feast outdoors. At first, they tried moving the table out. But getting the long rectangle through the angled kitchen, then the cramped entry room proved too challenging. Instead, they laid out blankets and rugs and towels to set the food on. 

While Caduceus began bringing out food, Fjord explained what had happened to the rest of the Nein. If he had expected shock or teasing, or even them questioning his sanity, he was surprised yet again that morning. His friends broke out in a joyous celebration.

“Does this mean you are going to stay, Fjord?” Jester asked, and the group went silent with bated breaths.

“I, uh, I don’t know just yet,” Fjord confessed. “I need to find work, and see if Caduceus would let me stay here.”

He remembered he needed to text Calliope, or had he texted already?

“But you want to stay,” Beau said. “If that all works out, you’re going to stay? And definitely not go back to Avantika?”

He took a deep breath. “Right.”

Jester leapt to her feet, arms up as she screamed, “Thank the Traveler!”

Caleb gently pulled her back to the ground by the skirt of her dress. “I think you’re thanking the wrong god.”

“Fine, the Wildmother can have this one,” she said with a sigh.

“We can go get your things today,” Yasha offered. “Do they have any...club activities?”

Beau coughed out a “cult” in her not-subtle way.

“We usually… They usually do some, uh, worship in the afternoon. Around 3.”

“Perfect,” Nott said eagerly. “We can break in while they’re out!”

“What? No!”

“Did you ever lock that window when I came to get you?” Beau asked. When Fjord shrugged, she said, “If you left it unlocked, maybe no one noticed and we can just get in that way. Easy peasy.”

“Breaking and entering is illegal.”

“Yeah, if you get caught,” Nott retorted.

“3 o’clock you said?” Caleb asked innocently. Fjord just looked at him.

Caduceus joined them with the last of their food, and they ate beneath the blossoming tree. The falling petals got into their food and drinks, which quickly became a contest of who could catch the most petals from the air. As breakfast came to close, the Nein leapt about, making personal piles of bright petals while Caleb counted.

They took photos, both for themselves and for Caduceus to share with his family. 

When Fjord made his way back to his room, Caduceus followed to take a look at his plant.

“Huh, what do you know,” he said in an impressed tone, picking up the plant and admiring it from different angles. “Not supposed to do that overnight.”

“Another blessing, I suppose?”

“Another sign, yes.” To Caduceus, they were one in the same.

Fjord went over to his bed to pick up his phone. Not cracked, which was always a relief. But there was a message.

Don’t care about resumes, just come by the gym sometime and we can talk. Any day’s good. Hours on site. Arborexemplar.com

“Everything okay?” Caduceus asked.

“Yeah, of course. Calliope got back to me about the job. Asked me to come by sometime,” Fjord said, quickly looking up the gym’s site. It was open most of the day. “I’m going to go by now, I think.”

“Good plan. Tell her I said hello,” Caduceus said, gently putting the plant back. “You’ve been taking good care of it, by the way.”

“Just doing what you said.”

He only smiled, ambling out of his room so Fjord could get his things together and leave.

~~

Calliope was… intense. She bore the same intimidating height, same symbolic earpiece - if coupled with other piercings - and same pink hair. But she was more muscled, more intense, and more, well. Fjord didn’t want to call Caduceus odd per se, but his sister was definitely not the same tier of eccentric.

“You’re Fjord?” she asked when he walked into the Arbor Exemplar.

It was about thirty minutes’ walk from the Blooming Grove, but from his poking around his map app, it was closer to campus in parts. There was even one of the smaller campus libraries close by.

The gym was part indoors but mostly an outdoor gym. There were trees, vines, and plant life everywhere, as natural as the Grove and even wilder-looking with it nestled right between more traditional city buildings. As if Calliope had tried to cram the same amount of nature The Grove had across its territory into a much smaller space.

“Yes, I am,” he said.

She stepped around from the front desk, wearing a teal sports bra and matching leggings. Her long, pink hair was braided back tightly. “Let me show you around. We can walk and talk.”

He followed her around the maze of a gym as she pointed out supply closets and rooms or sections dedicated to specific classes and types of workout. The more high-end equipment was kept indoors, but most of the gym relied on less technology/based forms of exercise. Sparring areas, ropes and tires, weights and dance, and even an open-to-the-air yoga studio on the roof.

“We’re open rain or shine,” she said. “Working out in the rain is a different experience, and something we’re known for. Staying connected with nature is our M.O. It’s what sets up apart, but more importantly--”

He nodded. “The Wildmother.”

“Right. Caduceus said you knew a little about Her.”

“I’m learning,” was all he said for a moment. Then he added a quiet, “Hoping to learn more.”

She looked at him. “Well, this is a good place to learn. The Clays, we worship Her in different ways these days. You’ve seen how Caduceus does it, but now you can see how someone actually cool does.”

Fjord smiled at her sibling jab. “I’ve enjoyed learning from Caduceus.”

“Yeah, he’s just weird,” she said with a shrug. “And getting weirder. But what I really need from you is to man the desk. We have our hours, but I don’t really care who works when so long as someone is there. You need to get with Reani, our current receptionist, to figure out the schedule. I’ve got a few instructors too, to help cover the desk sometimes. Not feasible just for two students, so they can fill in some gaps. Reani knows the drill.”

“Are you offering me the job?” he asked.

She led him back to the front desk, where he made note of who he assumed to be Reani. The young woman smiled at him, but was busy on the phone. 

Calliope shifted around the desk for a moment, then found a scrawled list. “Okay, here’s the pay and our perks. We got some good deals through a family friend, but also my dad’s a general physician at a little clinic outside of town, so if you go to him he’ll see you for cheap.”

“Okay,” said Fjord, overwhelmed as he looked at the handwritten list.

“You can take classes here or exercise for free when you’re not working. I don’t care as long as you don’t damage anything. You gotta respect the Wildmother, but you don’t have to worship Her. Just don’t be an ass about it. Let me know if you have questions. I need to fill the spot sooner than later, so if you can let me know by Tuesday, that works.”

“Yes, of course,” he said. She turned slightly away, a clear indication she was done. He said one last, “Thank you for your time,” before he went back into the street.

Looking at the time, he saw it was only just now hitting the afternoon. He had some schoolwork to manage, so he decided to test out just how far the nearest library was. 

After finishing up his work and mapping out the routes he’d need to take from the gym to various classes, Fjord packed up and headed home. As he walked back towards the Xhorhaus, he felt a bubble of excitement well up inside him. He got to make his own schedule, to a degree. The gym itself seemed nice, if a weird concept. The job couldn’t be harder than the cafe, and he could use it for free.

Plus, benefits. He glanced at the notes again. It looked pretty basic, but it was something. 

His eye was drawn back to the pay. He’d done some research on the walk over to see what receptionists were paid for part time work in the area. He’d been certain not to expect even that much, as it was a good amount over his minimum wage rates at the cafe - no tips. But here, he’d make substantially more than at the cafe, and right within the range of what seemed fair for the area.

It was too good to be true, right? This whole day had to be a dream. He would wake up any minute in his bed at The Champions’ house, and none of this would be real. Or he’d do something stupid and wreck the whole thing.

Today was supposed to be his last day in the Xhorhaus. And as certain as he was that this whole thing was about to slip through his fingers, he held on anyway. 

And if he was going to hold on, he needed to talk to Caduceus.

On the way back, he wondered how best to handle severing ties with The Champions. The mature thing, it seemed, was to tell them face to face. Or at least text Avantika since he'd been booted from the group chat.

But he didn't want to talk to them ever again. Especially not Avantika. She was manipulative and calculating, and he wasn't sure how well he would stand against her. He’d told her the day Beau brought him to the Xhorhaus that he’d be back Sunday. Today. She’d be calling sooner than later. He had to do something.

The idea of talking to any of them even through text was too much. He took the coward's way out maybe, but he blocked every number from The Champion he had. Blocked their social media, their numbers, their emails. No contact. Hopefully.

It felt like freedom, but freedom tinged in anxiety. Still, there was a skip in his step as he bound up the porch steps into the house.

“Caduceus!” he called as he stepped inside.

“Fjord!” came a shout from the kitchen, matching his energetic tone.

Fjord let the door fall closed behind him and headed for the kitchen. As he pulled back the curtain, he was hit by a wave of warmth and mixed scents. He caught the smell of baking bread in there and took a deep breath. 

“What are you doing?” Fjord asked, almost laughing at the sight before him.

Caduceus had every possible surface in the kitchen covered in plates, cutting boards, mixing bowls, and piles of ingredients - prepped and not. He stood before the stove. There were several pots pans before him, each actively cooking. His apron had turned a dusty purple from the layer of flour that coated it in splotches. He’d taken off his nice robe and rolled up his sleeves past the elbows. He twisted to smile at Fjord, eyes alight and a strike of flour across his cheek.

“Hullo Fjord,” he said, perhaps the cheeriest Fjord had seen him yet.

“Are we expecting an army?” Fjord asked, stepping further into the kitchen.

Caduceus laughed. “Watch this pot for me, will you?”

Fjord took his place at the stove, slowly stirring at some kind of soup. Caduceus wrapped the handle of a copper pan in a small towel and lifted it away, flicking off that burner with his free hand. The thick, pale sauce within it looked to contain some tomatoes and was speckled with spices and herbs. Caduceus poured it over a pair of tupperwares containing rice and what looked like meat, but was probably tofu.

Fjord saw an assembly line of other containers, pairs of matched meals in mismatched tupperware left open for their final touches. A few laid empty, waiting to be filled in kind.

Caduceus set the pan back on the off stove, sealing those completed meals and stacking them on top of each other. He turned and set them on another counter beside another set of sealed meals.

“What are you doing?” Fjord asked. “Meal prep for a month?”

Caduceus grinned at him, taking back his place at the stove. Fjord stepped aside, about to step back completely before Caduceus offered him a spoon holding some of the soup he’d been stirring.

“What do you think?”

Fjord accepted the spoon and took a cautious sip. Hot, of course, but clearly Caduceus’s take on a tomato soup. “It’s amazing!”

“Good, good,” Caduceus said. “I can never get it quite like Auntie makes it, but this should suffice.”

“For what, exactly?” Fjord asked for the third time.

“Here, hold this.”

Any attempts at discerning what Caduceus was doing were sidestepped with a cheery determination. Resigned, Fjord helped him finish what was easily two week’s worth of meals. Then, Caduceus wrote out dates on little sticky notes, firmly taping them to each container.

When he was done, all the meals were neatly stacked and clumped together, labeled, and the sink was overrun was dishes.

“Need to clean up,” Caduceus said to himself.

“I’ll help you if you tell me what this is all for,” Fjord said.

Caduceus finally faced him. “I’m not going to send you off without a few decent meals.”

“A few--” Fjord’s mind caught up with his mouth, and he said, “This is for me?”

“If you’re going back to that awful house, then I’m going to make sure you live another few weeks, at least,” Caduceus said firmly. “You were so gaunt and thin when you got here that you could have been part of the Clays, but a few good meals and you were a different man! So you’ll take this, and tell all your terrible friends that it’s completely vegan so they won’t touch it, and you’ll be okay until you get settled in a new job, I hope.”

Fjord’s stomach sank. Caduceus hadn’t been there when he told the group he wanted to stay. He’d gone and done all this work, cheerful as anything, to send him off. He seemed _happy_ about it.

“This is...so thoughtful of you,” Fjord managed.

Caduceus, smiling proudly at his work, lost that smile. “Fjord? Is something wrong? I know you’d probably like more than vegan food, but I was afraid I’d only give you food poisoning if I tried to cook meat. I’m not saying you can’t eat it - it’s perfectly natural, but I’ve made sure to include a lot of protein, so--”

“No, it’s perfect, Caduceus,” Fjord said. “But, ah, thank you for the clarification on the meat thing. I hadn’t thought to ask yet if that was a tenant of the Wildmother.”

“We don’t really eat meat or dairy, the Clays that is. But She doesn’t have any issue with it, that I’m aware of. Animals eat animals. It’s just how _we_ were raised. Calliope tried it once, got awful sick from it. Said it felt like eating leather.”

“I imagine it would,” Fjord said with a little laugh.

“If that’s not the issue then, what is?” Caduceus asked kindly. Fjord should have known better than to think he’d effectively distracted him.

He tried to gather his thoughts, but nothing seemed to connect. “I was hoping to talk to you…”

The front door opened. With all the cooking fans off, they could just hear it. Both men glanced towards the curtain instinctively. Silence. No one in the Nein entered that quietly.

Fjord took a step towards the entry room, but Caduceus stopped him by putting out a hand. His brows furrowed as he stared at the curtain. Without looking from that point, he shifted his head towards Fjord and put a finger to his lips. Quiet.

“Check upstairs for ‘im,” said a deep, male voice.

His heart began to race. Fjord knew this man. To Caduceus he mouthed, “Champion”. Caduceus nodded, and his face set into a darkened expression.

Someone headed up the stairs. Just one person, from the sound of it. A second, the speaker, began sifting about the entry room. Every step he took closer to the kitchen ramped up Fjord’s heartbeat until he was certain it was audible.

Why were they here? 

No, that was obvious. It had to do with him. He’d been foolish to think he could block some numbers and be free. Even if he hadn’t taken the final step with The Champions, he belonged to them.

Leaving wasn’t an option. And now Caduceus was in danger.


	6. You'll Be There

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Caduceus and Fjord must deal with intruders in the Xhorhaus, Champions looking for Fjord. Guilt and terror have come for Fjord as well, but he should know better than to give in to darkness again.

Caduceus looked around the kitchen, then pointed to the stove. A few pans and the pot used for soup were still there. The pot had a decent amount left. Fjord nodded, and they moved cautiously over to the stove. Each with an improvised weapon in hand, they eased back until they stood on either side of the curtained doorway.

“Found his room!” called the second person from upstairs.

“Grab his laptop, his books, all that crap.”

The first man lifted the curtain and stepped through as he spoke, distracted.

Fjord moved first, flinging the pot’s contents towards the man with a little prayer to the Wildmother. 

He cried out in pain as the hot soup seared his neck and arms. Not his face, like Fjord had planned, but close enough.

With a single swing of a still-hot pan, Caduceus brought The Champion to the floor. The resounding clang of its impact echoed through the house. 

“What was that?” called the man upstairs. Fjord dropped the pot and dragged the unconscious Champion into the kitchen. Still breathing, but definitely out cold. Caduceus strode into the entry room.

“Cad--!” Fjord bit off the word, dropping the man and hurrying after him. Drawing back the curtain, Fjord saw Caduceus drop his pan to take up the shovel leaning against the stairs. He glanced at Fjord and put out a hand to stop him. He mouthed, “Trust me.”

Fjord stepped back into the kitchen as footsteps came down the stairs, ripping his phone from his back pocket. His hands shook as he typed in his password.

“Who-who the fuck are you?” the other Champion asked. 

“I’m the gravekeeper,” Caduceus said, his voice lower and darker than it’d gone before.

“Wh-Where’s Daniel?”

“Daniel isn’t with us anymore.”

“You kill--” The Champion stopped himself. “Look, I don’t want any trouble. I was just told to come here and pick up a guy that pissed off my boss.”

“Did Daniel have a surname? I’ll need it for the stone.”

He just stuttered a reply.

“Why don’t you give me your name, while we’re at it,” Caduceus drawled. “I have a couple of nice plots I’ve been meaning to fill. What better fodder for my garden than trespassers?”

Several soft thuds followed as The Champion ran for the door. When he yanked it open, he screamed.

“I believe the man asked for your name, champion,” came Yasha’s voice.

“Fjord, bring out the body,” Caduceus called. Fjord complied, dragging the unconscious Champion by his upper body. “Now, Yasha. Let’s have the nice man take his companion and tell all his friends not to tread on the Wildmother’s domain again, including our dear friend Fjord. Well, not unless they’re ready to be laid to rest.”

The man tried to flee, but Yasha did not move. “Take your friend.”

Slowly, awkwardly, the standing Champion dragged his friend out the door and down the path out of the Blooming Grove. 

The rest of the Nein were on their way, jogging until they saw the man. Fjord couldn’t hear what they said, but he heard the laughter as his friends parted around the shamed Champion.

“I’m so sorry,” Fjord said.

Caduceus looked at him, confused. “What for?”

“I left the door unlocked. They came here because of me. This is my--”

“We all leave the door unlocked,” Yasha said, finally coming inside. 

“This wasn’t your fault Fjord,” Caduceus said. “And this wasn’t the first time someone tried to cross these lands unwelcome. We have ways of dealing with them. Usually more hostile than what I tried today.”

Smiling, Caduceus said, “I think I did a rather good job, looking intimidating.”

“Yeah, you were fucking terrifying,” Yasha agreed.

“You both nearly sent me running, and I know you,” Fjord told them.

The three laughed, breaking the tension and fear that hovered over Fjord. His hands still shook, but he did that well.

“We’re so sorry Fjord,” Jester said as the rest of the Nein caught up. “We all wanted to run to help, but we were carrying your things, so Yasha went ahead.”

“Fjord texted us,” Yasha explained to Caduceus. 

“Thank you,” Fjord said.

“We got your stuff, though!” Nott exclaimed. “You were right. They were all out doing some cult shit. Except for those two, I guess.”

“Isn’t it funny?” Jester giggled. “They came here to try and steal Fjord or something while we had just stolen his stuff back.”

“Most of it, I think,” Caleb said. “We did our best.”

“Thank you all, really,” Fjord said. “You didn’t have to do this.”

“Shut up,” Beau said.

One by one the Nein headed up the stairs to dump what they’d collected in Fjord’s room.

“Is my laptop still up there?” Fjord called. “And my books?”

“Yeah?” Beau called back.

“That’s good,” Caduceus said. “But, uh, Fjord. Why’d they go and pick up your things?”

“I’m sorry Caduceus,” he said for the second time. “I meant to ask earlier, but I wanted to make sure I had a chance to afford it. And I forgot you weren’t there when we talked about it this morning.”

“Are you going to stay, Fjord?”

His heart started beating again, but for a different kind of fear. “I...hoped to.”

Caduceus smiled. His face lit up, pink eyes suddenly several shades lighter. Everything around him seemed to glow a little more vibrantly, and the countless plants in the room seemed to lean a little towards him.

“You did all that cooking for me to leave,” Fjord muttered. 

“I was happy to do it,” Caduceus said, stepping closer to Fjord. “It’s still yours. I know finals are in a few weeks, so they might help still.”

“Of course.”

“Honestly, Fjord, I’ve been struggling all day thinking about you leaving and going back to that place,” he confessed. “Look at how I reacted to them. Well, it was obvious they weren’t here to walk you back, but still.”

He went on, “But I know better than most that you can’t force someone to stay, even if it’s good for them. So I wanted to send you off with a smile.”

“And a shitton of food.”

He laughed. “That was the idea.”

“Thank you,” Fjord said, and he wondered if he would ever stop thanking Caduceus. Every day that passed, and he only fell deeper into an unspoken debt to this man. But it was a debt he was glad to repay. Whatever was needed.

~~

Fjord spent most of the evening putting away his things. There were items missing, including his favorite band t-shirt, but it was a small price to pay. They’d managed to find the little wood carving Vandren had taught him to make in his early days as a sailor. Even if Vandren was not the man Fjord had believed for so long, it was still something irreplaceable. At least he had that

He set it on the dresser next to books and the houseplant. 

Caduceus flitted by constantly, helping Fjord fold shirts or making notes about furniture he’d need, now that he was staying. Just generally fussing, practically throwing out little flowers in his joy. Every time he disappeared back downstairs to do some work, Fjord felt a familiar warmth in his face.

Okay, so he had a little crush on Caduceus. Maybe. But it made sense, didn’t it? Caduceus had been a pillar this past week, at a time in Fjord’s like when a week felt like a year. And he had literally saved him that day. An innocent little admiration crush was fine. Natural, even. It would pass, and he could go back to enjoying Caduceus’s company platonically. Even moreso, now that they’d grown closer.

He looked up, thinking of the Wildmother, and sighed.

~~

He accepted the job at the Arbor Exemplar by the end of the night, promising to come in that week for training with Reani. 

Over the next few weeks, he devoted his time to study, class, and his new job. He took an early start to his day, waking up in time to join Caduceus and Beau for morning meditation. Caduceus began changing up his guided, nature-based meditations to include ocean themes now and then, which did nothing for Fjord’s crush. 

Sometimes there was time after for him and Caduceus to meditate on the Wildmother, to commune under the large tree to seek Her wisdom and guidance. Then, it was off to work for a few hours. Fjord opened the gym, greeted by groggy patrons often trying to guzzle some caffeine before their barely-after-sunrise workout. 

Reani took over just in time for him to make it to his classes. He had about an hour to study and work on assignments before returning to the gym a few days a week. Sometimes, he spent that time actually at the gym, working out rather than studying. While the gym was often busy, during the week there were plenty of opportunities for him to do schoolwork and study. Far more than at the cafe.

He had days off here and there, and he and Reani agreed to split the weekends so each of them always had one day off. Some of the trainers, and occasionally Calliope herself, filled in their gaps.

And in the evenings, he spent time with his friends and neighbors. Caduceus trusted him enough to let him help cook. On the nights Caduceus didn’t cook, they ordered food or ate leftovers, or someone else in the Nein gave cooking a try. 

When he’d lived with The Champions, Fjord had spent every spare moment studying. For all the good it did him. He’d been constantly distracted, pulled away, put to work for a last-minute need at the cafe or a sudden meeting or event. For all the hours he poured into school, it meant nothing.

But now, he had dedicated times in his schedule purely for study. No one at the Xhorhaus gave him shit if he spent “too long” at the library. The gym was another opportunity to get in some work. Even if there were more distractions and interruptions, he could finish most of his schoolwork in the gaps. And being surrounded by another sort of temple to the Wildmother felt right. Inspiring, in a sense.

By the time Fjord made it home, he could spend those precious few hours relaxing. Cleaning up his room, playing boards games with his friends, watching some ridiculous detective film with Nott and Jester, helping Caleb attempt some experiment he didn’t understand, playing wingman to Beau when she needed to pretend like she didn’t have her own crush to deal with, chatting with Yasha, and drinking tea on the porch with Caduceus. 

Finals came, and with them, significantly less panic than he was accustomed to. The entire house fell into an almost dormant state as the students focused, Nott and Caduceus happily watching on with no remorse. Nott’s maternal energy, compiled across months of chaos, seemed to unleash around midterms and finals. Between her and Caduceus, no one was ever hungry long enough to notice.

The night before Fjord’s last final, the one he needed to do well on the most to keep his grades and scholarship alive, he took some time before bed to sit beneath the large tree. The pink flowers were long gone, and their petals with them, but the memory remained crystal-sharp in his mind’s eye.

He meditated. It’d become more natural to him as he practiced each morning. Now, even if he was in the middle of the day, he found himself running through some of those techniques to calm his nerves or keep his focus.

He slipped into the calm state after a few moments, and he spoke to Her.

_Thank you for your guidance,_ he began. _Thank you for the focus you granted me this week. Thank you for the home you welcomed me into, and this life that you made more. I hope that you can continue to offer me guidance with my last test. I am open to your wisdom, and I am honored to serve._

It was a Caduceus-style prayer, but Fjord had not yet felt confident enough to create his own structure. He hadn’t had the most success with outright asking questions either. The confidence his firbolg guide had in interpreting the wind, the leaves, the sudden scent in the air, was one he lacked. But he could get there, someday.

When he came out of his meditation, he noticed a body beside him. Tall and familiar, folded into his own meditation, was Caduceus. He opened his eyes shortly after Fjord and smiled.

“Hello Caduceus.”

“Did you speak to Her?” he asked.

Fjord nodded. “Just a little. I thanked Her, and I asked for Her help tomorrow. It’s my last test of the week. I really need to do well to keep that grade up. My scholarship depends on it.”

He let out a shaky breath, and Caduceus reached out to put a comforting hand on his knee. “She would not have guided you this far to abandon you now. Trust in the outcome. Trust in Her.”

Fjord took a deep breath, then nodded. “Thank you, Caduceus.”

“Of course.”

“No, really,” he insisted. “I owe so much to you. You’ve been a wonderful friend and ally and mentor at a time when I needed it most.”

There was a long pause as Caduceus glanced away, distantly looking at the house. 

“I am your sign from the Wildmother,” he said simply. “You called for help, and I appeared. Someday someone else will pray for a miracle, and you will appear.”

Fjord searched his face in the darkness, lit only by the light from the house and the moon overhead. Caduceus looked contemplative, calm. “Did someone appear when you needed a miracle? At some point?”

Caduceus met his eyes, slowly smiling. “Yes.”

He wanted to ask, but Caduceus would have told him if he were prepared to share. Instead, Fjord nodded. He turned the words over his mind, imagining. Someday, he might be the miracle someone needed. The idea that he could be to someone what Caduceus was to him, even if just for a moment, was overwhelming in its warmth and humility.

Well, maybe he didn’t want to be exactly what Caduceus was to him to someone else, but that was different.

Caduceus pulled back his hand, content to sit in silence while Fjord tried not to blush and give himself away.

“I think I should get to bed,” Fjord said suddenly, when it was clear he was losing that battle. “Up early and all that.”

“Of course.”

Fjord stood, and seeing Caduceus start to get up offered his hand. He helped lift the firbolg to his feet, enjoying the closeness for just a moment. Just a quick breath. Then, they were off into the house. 

Fjord climbed the steps, then went to his door. He looked back to see Caduceus continue to the third floor. He hoped this crush might end soon. He understood now why Beau was so dramatic about her own feelings, on the rare occasion when she would confide in Fjord. There was something about having feelings for a friend that was different. Deeper, warmer, and also more frightening. A greater risk. A deeper hurt.

He tried to shake the thoughts from his mind as he readied for bed. He had one, last test tomorrow. Then it would be summer, and he would have two uninterrupted months without school. Which meant more time for work, if he wanted to save money, or more time to work on his bond with the Wildmother. 

Or more time to hang around the house with Caduceus. Which was not in the plan at all, and had no bearing on his expectations for the next two months.

With a deep sigh and a little prayer to the Wildmother, Fjord tried to avoid his problems with sleep.


	7. Gratitude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A soft, peaceful end to the semester and to the story.

The party the Nein threw that next evening signaled the end of the semester. Lights were strung up about the large tree and the house. Tables were thrown about in the dining room, on the porch, the path through the graveyard, and around the tree. Covered in cheap paper tablecloths, they boasted every color they could find at the party store.

Bowls of snacks littered every surface amidst clumps of bright confetti. There were small bins of party hats, plastic kazoos, bubbles, glow sticks, noisemakers, and similar little toys meant for a child’s birthday party.

Jester and Caduceus had spearheaded the planning, decorating, and supply runs. Jester had finished her finals early in the week, and Caduceus had none to worry about. The others helped here and there, when time allowed and nerves prevented studying.

With the two non-drinkers responsible for party planning, Nott had volunteered to get the alcohol. Which was promptly shot down, so Beau handled it. After serious debate among the group and objection from Nott, the Nein had opted for beer and wine. Keep it simple, keep it controlled. They weren't freshmen anymore, and Fjord had work tomorrow.

Fjord, as luck would have it, was the one with the latest final. An evening final for a class he couldn’t wait to be through with. After spending hours in the lecture hall, carefully pouring over every answer thrice, he turned in his exam with a sense of peace.

Then, excitement. It was time to party.

By the time he made it home, the sun had fallen and the party had begun. Punch and streamers, music and bubbles, glow lights around every neck, cheesy little plastic champagne flutes in every hand, everyone was decked out.

More than the Nein had been invited. Just about everyone they knew had. Reani was here, Fjord’s only outside invite. Molly had made it to town in time and was showing off his latest tattoo by completely unbuttoning his shirt. Kiri, the sweet, barely grown freshman the Nein had “adopted” at one point, was there with a few friends. 

Keg and Calianna he hadn’t seen in ages, and there was Beau talking to her mentor. Yasha was near Molly, playing her harp along with the music coming from speakers. Jester was dancing on her own under the tree, laughing and spinning until she stumbled. Nott was on her phone, panning it around like she was showing the party to her family. Caleb and his quiet classmate Essek stood to one side, leaning in as they poured over some book held between them.

People he knew better than himself. People he hadn’t seen in months. Warmth and peace and brightness all around him. Fjord was home. 

He’d thought he’d found home years ago on the open seas, the eternal shift of the boat beneath his feet making real how shaken he’d always felt. But that hadn’t been quite right. He would sail the oceans again, someday, but this… Firm ground, surrounded by Her, knowing he and his friends were safe. This was home.

“Fjord.”

Fjord blinked into awareness and smiled up at Caduceus. “Hey.”

Caduceus searched his face for a moment, then smiled. “It went well?”

“I think so. Yes.”

“You should join the party. I made those sandwiches you like.”

Gently, always gently, Caduceus took his hand and led him over to the tree, near where Jester had roped Nott into dancing with her. His hands were soft, warm. A little dry. Among the tables there was a platter of the mushroom and moss sandwiches only Caduceus would will into the world.

“No one else has touched them, but…” Caduceus chuckled, releasing his hand.

“They don’t have any taste,” Fjord told him, taking one of the pre-sliced halves. He took a bite and shifted to face Caduceus. “It looks amazing. Everyone seems to be enjoying themselves.”

Caduceus lit up, looking out over the party. “They do, don’t they? It feels good to have people here again.”

“Your family used to live here when you were young, right?”

“We all did, yes. All the Clays under one roof. One by one, everyone else left. Most didn’t go far, but still. It was too quiet for too long.”

“Is that why you started renting it out?” Fjord asked.

He nodded, his face gone a little somber amidst the party energy. “I was lonely. And having help with the bills was good. That’s why I couldn’t have been happier when everyone started moving in. And now I have a full house again.”

Fjord smiled, taking another bite. He remembered full houses. He remembered cramped spaces with people who didn’t want him there. He remembered no privacy, no breathing room, no owning or boundaries. He supposed it made sense, then, that he’d been drawn to The Champions when they repeated that cycle for him. But he was free now.

The Xhorhaus was a tight fit, yes. But he had his own space. The people there had fought for him to be with them. He loved and was loved in turn. And life was fun.

He finished his sandwich, distracted seeing how Caduceus laughed at the growing circle of dancers. 

“Mama!” Jester’s excited cry burst from the dancers as she bolted from the tree to meet her mother on the path.

“Jester’s mom is here?” Fjord asked. 

Caduceus nodded. “Yes, Jester convinced her to come celebrate and sing a song for us. She was very excited.”

“That’s wonderful.”

“Family is important,” Caduceus said as they watched Jester and her mother embrace and talk. “Both the one we’re born into, and the one we build for ourselves.”

Fjord’s breath felt...strange. Short even though he knew he was breathing properly. His heartbeat felt heavier as he reached forward, slowly, to take Caduceus’s hand.

Almost as if in reflex, Caduceus gave his hand a squeeze. Fjord felt his heart sink. Caduceus was just like this. Nurturing in his own way, a guiding force for all of them. He was a helper and a caretaker in every sense. Fjord was not special.

But then he looked over to Fjord and smiled, and Fjord had to look away to keep his face from bursting into flames.

“Everyone!” Jester yelled out as the music came to a sudden stop. “Everyone, listen! My mama is going to grace us with her very beautiful voice, so please listen and enjoy the wonderful talent of the Ruby of the Sea: Marion Lavorre!”

Shouts and clapping resounded among those present. Fjord didn’t clap, he couldn’t without letting go, but he did yell out his encouragement. 

The speakers came alive, slowly beginning a new track. From beneath the large, beautiful tree of the Blooming Grove, Marion began a slow, heart-wrenching love song.

“Fjord.”

He turned to look at Caduceus. The firbolg glanced between Fjord and Marion for a moment, almost like he was losing the nerve to speak.

“I wanted to thank you,” he said softly. 

“For what?” Fjord replied just as softly, but more lighthearted. “I’ve done nothing. You’ve done...everything to help me. I’m just here.”

Caduceus smiled, and a deep warmth filled his eyes. There was a little sadness there, too, matching the song as it filled the space between them. “Exactly.”

There was pain there, something briefly exposed in Caduceus that needed care. Fjord would ask about it later. He would prepare the earth between them to grow something more. From their shared vulnerabilities, their shared pain and laughter, maybe they could grow something as strong and beautiful and lasting as the tree overhead.

For now, Fjord only kissed him. It was soft, brief. This was hardly the time or place, but when had been better? When would be better?

When they parted, Caduceus chuckled in his soft, deep way. He tightened his grip on Fjord’s hand the slightest bit. As they turned back to hear the rest of Marion’s song, Caduceus leaned over and rested his towering head against Fjord’s.

Fjord sent his thanks to the Wildmother. For everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who read along, left kudos, and especially to those who commented. I really debated how to end this story, even drawing out one final conflict, but this just felt right. 
> 
> If you've enjoyed my writing, keep an eye out for some other oneshots I plan to write in this modern critical role. Hoping to explore Beau/Jester and maybe also see what Caleb's up to with his own pining. I'm just here for the pining. 
> 
> For now, you could check out my in-progress fic for Dragon Age II's Hawke and Fenris, Pathetic in Love, if that's your jam. More modern au. More pining. More soft romance.

**Author's Note:**

> It started out short and sweet and became multi-chaptered! Uploaded Ch 1 a day early for the relevant Fjorclay Week 2020 prompt because I am that! Excited! And because my dream-prompt-fic was tiny.


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